Winter is approaching, this weekend it is getting down to thirty-four degrees. I am going camping with Bach and also invited Peter and Delilah. The two of them have become like a dream. I will fast this weekend on the island to cleanse myself of this hedonistic life style that has been upon me for the past two weeks. My path seems to have gotten off track or so it feels. My goals are still in place and work is continuing at a steady pace in accomplishing all things. Still on schedule for paying off the loan and more and more I do want nothing. There are two things that could be happening, one is that my heart is growing colder and I am caring less and less, the other is that with God’s continued grace my faith is growing.
No more money is being given to environmental groups to support unseen agenda’s and pay people off to do what is right. It comes down to taking personal responsibility for our actions and our earth. This continual battle and anxiety of impending doom must end and it starts here. The only way to help is to have the least impact as possible on our environment from a personal perspective.
Over the past few weeks, I have given way to drinking and over consumption of food without exercising and unless it is stopped now it will continue to get worse. Weak, why am I so weak?
I talked with Harem5 last night and it was good to hear from her. My mind desires even more now to be with her but I think it may be because she is so far away. Why do I love whatever it is that will be gone the soonest? Questions! I continue to pray and ask God for guidance, or help I should say, since guidance is given through the good book.
Work has become a state of disillusionment, it becomes harder and harder for me to be there but I am trying to do some good while there. My thoughts turn to going to Seattle but there is Harem5 and I need to give her that time to grow as planned. If she finds another then that was meant to be. My eyes cannot see the future although when glimpses are caught there is no one around. Day by day, step by step some ascending up the ladder some ascending down. Whatever gives affliction is cut off and whatever offends is left behind.
The house is quiet now that it is just Bach and I again. The strange thing is that since I have stopped partaking of tea, my meditation and conversations with God have started becoming less frequent. Strange how things are and it will be interesting to see the direction life goes without that herbal influence. Will my thoughts of spirituality stay on the same path or will they turn in another direction? Understanding this material existence is a hard task and unfortunately the cognitive skills we are taught do not lead to the correct assignment of needed variables. We rely on probability and statistics which give way to percentages and this I can do without. I am not in a category, a group, or a club. I know this fight is not meant to be easy and I am vain for thinking that I am the one to take it on. All the things in the past that proved to be hard were give up on but for once maybe I should finish what I start. Giving up is what comes from having most things easy.
Melissa told me, on the train, that following the life of Christ would be hard if it was not what you were meant to do but whether it is not meant to be done is the question. For doing right in this world is never easy. Only when you give in to the desire and illusion do things seem to get easier. They do in this world but time here is fleeting and the hereafter remains. May God through our Lord Jesus Christ, grant me strength.