It seems like years but it has only been a few days. Four days exactly since Harem5 left. I still have not heard from her and her mail is gathering. I pray at night for God to look out after her. As the time passes it gets easier to put other things in my mind; I suppose it may be because of the fact I never look back. We will see where we are at in a year. The loan will be paid off in August, and then I have two months to figure out what I want to do. Another stage is getting ready to start.
The controllers at work are extending their power for mass will over the workers. Individualism is the crime to be concealed. I admit there is a good bit of discretion to be taken, although it would be nice if it was not needed. Because of a few, once again, the whole is being punished. I have changed a bit at work in that I have decided to give up eighty percent of my technical duties. This way I can work toward more of a direction giver than fighting the war after decisions have been made. By this time next year, I hope also to have the ability to go on contract with the hospital and work from home two days a week. If I can get to a point of lowering my stress and handle work then I may stay there for a while longer. Then I may build a house around here and get a boat or just go to Ecuador. It would be nice to have a little hut built like I was planning. We shall see but first just get the loan paid off.
When work takes this next step in control, my intake of tea will be stopped. This is the time to test a large part of variables associated with this experiment. Questions of such nature as: is it the tea that relaxes me or keeps me in this mood. My friend Job thinks that this is the case entirely, he relates it all back to detachment from everything. He says that detachment is a slippery thing and as soon as you are fully detached you are detached from being detached and there you are. The strange thing about this conversation was that he either read my mind or looked through my eyes to see what I was writing. Bit by bit there seem to be examples of increased psychic ability of reading minds and sending thought patterns.
I do have some positive thoughts toward ending my tea party. I am nervous that it will make me not think with emotion and of God but that work will consume me. If I can direct my path at work to one of management it may be possible to do a lot of good, if they will listen. This job may also wind up killing me. I want to want nothing.
“Later that evening” It all starts tomorrow. “It” meaning living above my programming that has been hacked into my neural nets. I started by going to Lucedale and seeing my Grandparents then returned home to get ready for work and try to do some preparation for Monday. Then I am going to start my next book. This one will be longer and my time will be spent in exercise, getting outdoors and writing. I will try to adhere to the ten principles of being a monk. No killing, no stealing, no adultery, no wild talk, no drinking, no perfumed oil, no listening watching song and dance, no sitting on tall and wide beds, no eating at wrong hours, no hoarding treasures, above all to practice charity.
There are ten months left and it is not that long. I have stopped Tai Chi because what I need is Yoga. I will try to get a book on it so I can get started. Harem5 read my cards before she left and is seemed to be of good favor. May the Lord grant her safety in her journey. I must try harder to be above my humanistic weakness. My faith and closeness to God needs to increase. If I do decide to continue work, I will attend more college and try to get a master’s degree in writing or journalism. Finish the bible, exercise, read more and work toward less stress in the work place.
I have much to do in a very small about of time.