Interrupted from my last writing when Harem5 came back much earlier than expected. Every time I have time to myself, I end up meditating and then returning to the book. In order for the book to continue there needs to be more meditation. I think it will be a wonderful book.
Book: with the ending or understanding of the endless bounds of life, everything and nothing happens for the best in the end. I am reminded of Descartes when he stated “I think therefore I am” not at all ensuing that there is no God.
My heart is so very heavy, for it is all in vain that I have no love for my fellow man. Yet they have cut down all the forests in Ecuador that was to be my asylum. In its place are pipelines and oil fields. To say this is God’s will is to belittle God. Does God covet his creations? If your feet were infected and there was no way to stop it and your life was in danger, would you cut them off? Or would you die with them the way Christ came and died for us.? That is something I need to think on.
We are not that way! We can be so much more that that! It is such a cop out to say that no matter what I do God will love me. Of course, he will, so why do we not try to do better than bad? Would not a father be more pleased with his children if they were good than if they were bad? Knowing that either way he would still love them. My attention is still geared more toward greed than God. I must not look at someone else and point out flaws but look at myself and see what flaws of my own I may repair.
The whole book will now shift from words to the addition of @, &, etc and then “i” and to the direction for myself. I must stop preaching to my fellow man. I do not recycle enough; I need to get to a point where I do not need a vehicle but instead a bike or a boat. Harem5 has been staying here since the Wednesday night before I left for L. A. and we consummated the relationship last night. Now I will start talking with her and compromising on what I hold on to, can live without and what she will not stay for. Not much to worry about except tea and personal time so that I may work on my book and meditate. I feel that it is okay now that I have broken my vow for the second time with her and now that we have slept together it should be so. For if I must have sex I should be married in the eyes of the Lord. That does not mean a piece of paper but a personal decision. This must be the last time it happens for if I try this and it fails it must be a vow to God. Then I will be spiritually held accountable to God and not just personally.