Thoughts of women fill my mind and my desires. The feeling is becoming stronger and stronger as I sit here in San Antonio listening to Sara MacLachlan. I could care less about the direction of healthcare and the direction that the hospital can/should take. I drink because I am bored and I think that I will meet some woman and what? Will she laugh at my jokes, we will have a few drinks then go to my room or hers and have premarital sex? I thought that I was against all that, but it is a very strong and driving force. After Thursday no more Seinfeld and no more cable. Hopefully I will start my book and make a living at it; I must try.
Symbolically speaking about my fish; Brother died and Peace disappeared never to be found again. Slowly am I getting rid of unneeded items? I have got to get out of this! As soon as I can save three thousand dollars I am going to Ecuador. “Hold on to yourself because this is going to hurt like hell.”
Love, I do not know it but I wish I knew it. Is it the desire of flesh or the desire of companionship that I am wanting? I leave it up to God’s will and I will not fight it; I will be provided what is needed. I will call Harem9 when I get back home. I will do what I can to lead my life of servitude but I pray that one day, of God’s choosing, that I will ascend to him and loose myself along with this vanity.