The first entry into the New Year and after reading my last journal entry; I was wanting a change in my life. Now that I am home and it is two or three weeks into the New Year, I am sitting in my house on a Monday night, after working and going to get groceries, completely “lit”. I am upstairs sitting at my desk in the cold with the heater on fifty-five writing in my journal about leaving things behind. I am also thanking heaven that I have found a pen that would write. Today there is evidence that “leaving things behind” is the course that is being taken. Life can never be like it was, so I say, but the main reason is because it will not be taken any longer. I do not care what she does; to a certain degree I do but not like I did. I spoke to Harem3! It is not only that a matter on no longer caring, I am feeling withdrawn from everyone; Peter, Job, Delilah, my family, everything. Every time this happens, I become more and more withdrawn from society. It has much to do with a slight amount of debt I have incurred through the whole charade. I need to pay it off. What a way to start the freaking New Year, I can only hope for the best and hope for things to get better. I have high hopes.