I quit writing last night, as you or I rather well know. I am standing by my decision I came to, which is that Harem3 will be out of my life unless she makes a decision to stay with me. After we talked the other night and some things, she said leads me to believe that she is seeing someone. Most likely sleeping with them. I will have no part of someone telling me they care about me and would like to be with me but cannot. They can however be with someone else. She says it does not mean anything to her. So great, she is having sex with someone she does not care about.
That is the deciding factor. It is wrong in my eyes even though I did it, but I did care about those I had sex with. It just did not work out with them; it was not just to pass the time and have sex but most of all I was not telling someone else that I cared about them. Most of all she had better not have sex with them in my house. I may be wrong but I have a feeling that I am not wrong. I do not trust her because she has not earned it. She has been honest with me as far as I know but it is time to end this whole episode. I need a fresh start to a New Year. Most of all, I am tired of it. In some way I am hoping she has done as I have stated because it will make it so easy for me to end it with anger. I want to wait until I get home to talk with her about it but I do not know if I can. I will leave no message on the phone and she will have to be home and answer.
Class will be over in about two and a half more days, maybe less and I will be happy. I am ready to get home, get things under control and get ready for a change in my life along with residence, and career wise. I am planning on the changes coming over the next New Year.
I really think I was meant to be alone but I am only 25. Although up to this point, women have given me nothing but trouble and I navigate better without them. I have never been able to give my trust because none of them have ever warranted it. I have lit a fire tonight and am staying in listening to the radio. I have to finish that class, graduate from school, and read up on my C programming.
“She lies and says she love him because she cannot find a better man.” God, grant me tranquility.