Harem10 came over today; it is the first time I have seen her in eight months. She has put on a little weight but still looks good. We went to Ruby Tuesdays for lunch and then by the hospital to pick up my check for my trip to California. After that we went back to the house and took a long nap together. At seven p.m. we went to the casino to gamble then to the movies to see Higher Learning, then we came back to the house and watched With Honors with Peter and Job. After the movie at home, we went to bed caressing and kissing as we went to sleep. I told her that I loved her that night and for the first time in my life I am mature enough to mean it. She replied, “If things turn out that we end up together, that would be wonderful.” Now weather she was saying that for face or meant it, I do not know. I should ask her before she leaves but will let it go for now. She seemed to like me holding her and, in the morning, said it was the best night sleep that she had in a very long time. We stayed in bed until one p.m. and then went to get something to eat at the Grand Casino with a view over the water. She made a comment of how much she missed the coast and the water but said no more. At lunch the conversation seemed to drag, on my mind was a feeling of wanting to keep her here with me because I thought I loved her. She was wondering about something else miles away from here and from me.
After lunch we went and did some more gambling and we both won the money back that had been lost from the previous night. At four p.m. we drove back to Ocean Springs and the house; I put oil in her car and as she came out with her bags, I hugged and kissed her and started to ask her about the comment she made last night. The comment about us ending up together and would she like to see that happen. I started to ask her but let it go along with her driving away in her car. She said she would call me tonight and Friday. So here I am writing in my journal and waiting on a phone call that still has not come. I do love her and, in a way, I hate it because I hold on until it is all gone and during that time will take no others. I must hate myself for this is how I am and should not be complaining if I do not want to change it.
When you live day by day time passes minute by minute, second by second but at a very quick pace.