The past three days i have been eating more because of my laziness of sitting in the apartment. I hope soon it will warm up and i can spend my days in the park, away from food and watch people and not my appetite. I will try to eat a meal once a day and then for the rest only seed-bearing fruits and vegetables.

Last night i went to the final performance of Ko, Ci and Sevgilim for their education at the university. As always Sevgilim paid me very little attention compared to the others. At first and for the most part of the time i was again put off but when we returned back to the apartment i began receiving the answer to my prayers. I began being unconcerned with her faithfulness and my thoughts began returning to how more inventions of man need to be brought to a spiritual level and it will take those involved in them to change them if they are to be maintained for an existence. I also decided that maybe it is a good thing that she does not show a difference between me and others. For if she did then it is possible that she would and could withdrawal it at some point making me feel even worse.

I have no control over her, nor do i wish to exert my will upon other life. For if she loves me and stays with me wonderful but if not then i once again return to a completely spiritual path, leaving the experience of a man’s life behind. For not my will but my Father’s will be done.

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