Sunday was an absolutely wonderful day. I had been feeling tired and sluggish for almost three weeks with an insatiable appetite. Sunday, I awoke, rolled over and went back to sleep and woke up again later. Got up and watched a quiet movie while Sevgilim spoke Turkish with her sister. The movie finished and I walked to the grocery store and got organic purple kale, avocado, carrots and some kalamata olives. I walked back home got it all ready and Sevgilim dressed it with olive oil, pomegranate syrup and walnuts. I opened a bottle of wine we picked up while in Temecula and we had lunch and played chess. Then I sat out on the balcony got some sun and got some thinking done. Before retiring for the night, I did my meditation and then came Monday, feeling refreshed, renewed and reenergized.
Here it is Tuesday. I have moved out to the summer office, which is the balcony, until the laptop battery needs charging then inside to work while it charges then back to the balcony which last till the day ends. This makes the day to seem to pass so quickly. So, after work it went on a ride going toward the Pacific but noticing that the shore was covered with cloud and fog, I turned around and came back to the house and walked down to the grocery store and got organic purple kale, avocado, carrots and some kalamata olives and while preparing it for Sevgilim to dress I have had a glass of wine while sitting on the balcony and while sitting on the balcony…
What I am trying to reach is to reach for her. Everything, every vision I have had dealt with Sevgilim being the focus. From the tree of learning in Stockholm, to the woman on stage I watched while sitting in the audience, to the pit and the sphere. Of all things I think I am pursuing in the end it will be her. I am here for no other reason but her and yet as I know this and as much effort as I exert to evolve past this limited ego/id of mankind I still have things to do and things that every day I see I can do better and make note and do better next time. As much effort as I exert I still continually know I need to improve more and yet I wonder why others act and behave the way they do and they are in no way concerned with their evolution. They have been taught that it will happen in the hear-after but I am not the mass and the reason I say that is because of the pit and the sphere.
At this point there is no greater truth than Immanuel’s statement, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” I am further away from Father but if you take off that unnecessary word, it is no less untrue. – I go to meditate.