I awoke this morning, took a shower, walked Bach, sat down and listened to the news on PRM, and had some tea. Then I went to the video store and rented two movies, cleaned the condo, ate lunch, washed cloths and then received another phone call from Harem5 saying that she was three miles away from the condo and wanted to visit. That has been the only situation to where I was shaking so badly that I had to have a drink. Rum and pineapple juice poured and mixed the second she came to the door. I sat in the chair and she sat on the couch and all things were reviled to me that I asked her. There is no telling the direction things may have gone if I was not dating Harem4.
My eyes were opened a bit wider by her visit. At first, I wanted her to go away but then I decided to get the situation over with and it turned into a feeling of compassion for her lonely trip and into trying to make some spiritual sense of this life we lead. The valley is one of the lowest and you always start in the bottom of the deepest one. I have given her what I say I wish for, complete freedom. I question myself every time I do a good deed for, I always think they are done for selfish reasons. I pray for God’s good grace to be with her. If she is following then she will find it.
I have invited Peter and Delilah over for tomorrow to spend the start of the New Year together. My selfishness needs to go away and I think that entitles spending time in the company of others and not on my own. I was scared to death when Harem5 called because I thought she was pregnant. Then I was scared that she would go psycho; neither happened and that is always a good thing. What I did and how I handled it was the right course of action and with Harem1 as well. May I thank Christ for starting the realization of love and non-self-doubting.
This year I was to do more sailing and camping, instead I seemed to have done more dating.
Harem5 has ordained a title on me, “ICHAboD the Strange”.