I have been in L. A. since Sunday night and have been looking forward to the trip for a while. I came out here with Chuck for the advanced server configuration using the super GUI an MHGIE. We went to Old Town Pasadena last night and then went out and had a few drinks, shot pool and went to eat at a nice restaurant. Then today after class, we got into the convertible and drove to Venice and spent about four hours there just walking around seeing the freaks and sidewalk shows. We had lunch at the Sidewalk Café and after we sat on the beach and gazed out over the Pacific Ocean. With this trip and now in my position I am really beginning to feel the lure of money. How money can make you ego bigger. It is not the fact that money makes life easier, it is that you think it makes your life easier. As I walked around L. A. in my clothes, which are better than the ones I had six months ago, I felt uncomfortable at times and wished I had not dressed as well as I had. Even though what I was wearing was not much, it was not my old shirt, old shoes, and old pants. A part of me feels wrong for having such things. Although if I were to take a wife/partner I would like to have this in order to provide for her and possibly a family so that they may never know hardship in the way of what is deemed necessities in life. There is still one year and six months to have my mind made up, for after that load is paid off my, path will deviate from this direction and to another. The other path will be a life of simple living asking for nothing but relying on what God sees fit as to give me.
Enters Harem, no assumption can be made at this time about the relationship. I had known her for a week, saw her once, talked to her on the phone twice and then she stayed over one night. Nothing happened, I told her she would be safe to do so and I tried nothing with her. She in return offered the same. The next morning, I awoke and got ready for L. A. and decided that she could watch my house and dog, use my vehicle and gave her access to everything. I cannot say that I am worried for all those items mean nothing to me anymore. It is a sign for the better to know that material bondage in this world is being dissolved. Do I know if I am on a suitable course? I do not know but it is in God’s hands and not mines.
I return home tomorrow and she will be picking me up at the airport, what happens after that I do not know and make no plans about it accordingly. The only plans I will make is that we go see a movie and if she is still here, we may go to Seattle together but who knows. She has similar qualities as Harem3 and most of the others. In reality, I suppose that I do not want a professional working woman but one that does not wish to have more that she needs. I still wait to see what will happen and where this will go. She wishes to have children at twenty-five and being twenty-one she has four years to play, travel and do whatever she wishes. Not that it means anything (I have to examine every thought possible) she will be twenty-five when I am thirty and that is timing is perfect for me on that road.