Where to start? As I sit here now my mind has become mad. I need more light, now that is better. It may be better the other way because my shadow is now in the way. Book, wedding, computer, and the wine; these are just a few of the happenings this weekend. I cannot differentiate between the book and my life. If I decide on a direction for the main character then it has a direct or indirect action on my real life. So, I am trying to be careful. This is my book; this is my life. Will it be a long book? I have gone mad; I have gone mad! Mad! Mad! I know that I should not say those things. I do get over worried at times.
The wedding of K to S was very pleasant. Je better be glad he got grown and out of the house before Cl grew up. Jeff was never close to the size his little brother is now. We are a very close bunch of people and to me it is a strange thing. K is the core of the bunch of us, tying me in the most. They are just a great group of people; there is something different about them, something better. To see people like those brings such hope to my eyes. Why then do I feel uncomfortable around them as with my family? I do not feel uncomfortable around Peter, Job, David and my grandfather.
The hard drive on the laptop crashed this weekend and it is unfortunate because I was having a creative spirit for the book. Will it ever get finished? Will anyone buy it? I have been and still am drinking wine this weekend. I bought it for Bev for talking to Nick for me. I forgot to give it to her and ended up drinking the whole bottle and also indulging this weekend at the wedding.
All at and ands will be changed to @ & & respectively.
I see my brother taking a different route than myself. I must get the chance to tell him I still love him and that this growing gap means nothing. Hopefully he already knows. I fear the Hara Krishna along with the help of his wife may taint his views. I still say many a good man has been lost to that institution. Can I say obstinate? NO. maybe.
Thank, you God for allowing me to follow this path, although I would have tried just as hard in the other. My vanity oozes out of me like molten lava comes forth out of the volcano to form rivers of destruction unto which man or existing nature cannot withhold.
While I am thinking about it, I have been religious all my life and until less than a year ago I would say that Peter has not. Now he is just running with religion while I methodically seek. I was not able to show him to God, it took his wife.