Not much is happening today, I went to work and then went to see the movie Patriot Games. What is this existence that it seems our lives are in need of more action that we go see movies to fill our boring lives? I waited for Harem1 to call again; I suppose she has left for Florida with her family. I fight myself not to call just to find out, why am I drawn to another man’s wife? I knew her before he did and was in love with her before him, I should have her and not him. Am I doomed to loneliness? As Mark Twain once put, “Be good and you will be lonely.” I do suppose that to someone reading this, I am wallowing in self-pity, but I would live my life no other way unless it would be with her. I am afraid that I will not live up to mine or other’s expectations and I will not have time to become and gain all that I want.
My friend, Peter, and I have planned to go on a two-week trip before the next year’s school semester starts. That should ease the mind for a while from school, Harem1 and monetary strain. Harem1 and I must do some serious talking within the next two weeks, at least for my sake. I cannot continue to go on in this matter. I use to be so sure of her love for me but I cannot help but think that I am not the only one she has in mind if she happens to divorce him. Could there be another, or am I arrogant? Either way I must know and the truth will keep me going or will crush me or yet I will wait and continue to love her. I cannot change my feelings even though I may wait until I go to my grave.