As i have chosen to remain in this world, i know it may take part in the suffering, in the destruction. What i must try to do is to partake in it as minimally as possible. I must for the present try to find a balance for myself in the world and living the life of love, but i am married so i must find a balance.
Yet i have railed against this idea of balance. Yet what is it i have said? That the thing we wish/want to do the least is the one thing we should do.
The next full moon (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) has come and gone and i remain in Ankara. Again, today i watch the sunset from the terrace upon another day of Sevgilim being gone for the duration of it. It has been difficult to let her have her freedom and to put my desires away so she maybe just that. I have been trying to exert upon her that which was exerted upon me from my childhood time.
Why this need to control another life, i must learn to love as my Father loves me. Without control unless i give it to him through my surrender, but it is no less than my choice. He inflicts no such punishment to make me submit but hopes that i find the love and wish to make it my path, so i must do with Sevgilim, so i must do with all our brother and sisters.