I have arrived in Athens and am waiting on the ferry, that will carry me to Israel, to depart. I will wait in this place for six nights before leaving. I spent today reading in my book on Israel and, I must say that, once again, I am not interested in the sights. I know not the reason that my Father is bringing me to this place but I know it is to make a change in my life. In truth, I feel less than I was, not so much for engaging in the desires of the flesh, but that I am drawn not solely to my Father as I was.
For now, my mind keeps returning back to Sevgilim. I now have thoughts of my life being less of what grand meaning I once thought it had. The reason being is because now I think of a future worldly life, living and caring for a family and a feeling that I must run back to Sevgilim for fear that I may not have her in the future and the doubt that she was acting with me. But she has given me something to return and I do not believe she was acting. The fact is, this cannot be a part of me, if she loves me not then the present nor nonexistent future will be able to change and if she does not wait for me then I will have wasted energy on nothing and I am not/was not worthy of the blessings and teachings that my Father has given me. My priority lays with my Father not a woman. If it is for me to have, then he will provide me with her in a way that there is no worry or doubt. For it is better for man to remain alone, for if he marries, he thinks upon how he may please his wife; If he is by himself, he thinks upon how he may please his GOD.
Maybe the humbling I have experienced is nothing more than a blessing. Yet all I receive from my Father is a blessing. I was proud in myself with my abstaining from carnal desire that I had placed an attitude of superiority to my fellow man, not understanding why he had so much lack in suppressing the desires of his flesh. Who was I to expect such things from my brother when not even I have control over such things?
How can you see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye, when you have not removed the beam from your own eye? First remove the beam from your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the spec from your brothers’ eye.
I am unsure which prophet it was that said that there was nothing in the world stronger than a woman, but I must say there is nothing stronger in this world of Yaldabaoth than a beautiful woman.
My Father is preparing me for Israel. I will return to Sevgilim the picture I took without asking, for it will also help me to not hang on with a more tenacious hold, for what I must do, I must do quickly.